Peace & ♥
I’m pretty much infamous for these things. Here goes.
1 ) If my mom dies before her kids are grown, I better get them. None of their fathers are capable of taking care of them.
2 ) I’m so tired of being hot and sweaty, central A/C would be Godly right about now.
3 ) Craig Ferguson is perfect for me. I need to find someone with that sense of humor.
4 ) I wish that one day I could have a house with a big enough yard to foster puppies and kitties.
5 ) I want to be five again, just for a day.
6 ) This school nonsense is just… too much… I just don’t know anymore.
7 ) I can’t wait to go to the princess retreat with my sista!
8 ) I just found out that if I were to break my left leg, I’d bleed to death. Grrrreeeaat.
9 ) Maybe I’m not ready. I know I shouldn’t, but I thought I could handle it. I don’t think I can.
10 ) People who shouldn’t have kids do, while I choose to wait ten years to make sure they have the best life possible. Ain’t it grand?
Job I landed my first babysitting job today. It’s for a lovely family here in town with two adopted children. They’re 12 and 9 and adorable. The parents are really cool people, and the mother and I are a lot alike. They even took me for ice cream after we met! It’s not as often as I need, but it’s a great start.
School I’m not sure about school right now. I’d love to stay at WSU but I’ve technically failed out now. I’d have to fight really hard to stay there, and honestly I care more about getting the degree I want than staying at the school I’m in. I love WSU but it’s not as important where I am as long as I get to where I need to be.
I’m considering either attending an online school or going to the online school’s division downtown. It depends on if I can get a car. One good thing, though, is that the school I’m considering doesn’t run on a quarter system where you have to start at the beginning of the year or quarter. They have multiple start points during the year, so whenever I’m in a good position to start, I will. I just want to get out there doing what I love right now, but the quickest way will still take three plus years.
Home The house is hectic and loud, so I’m a little edgy and I get migraines a lot. But otherwise it isn’t too awful bad. With my sister gone, everyone is just a couple levels calmer and happier. I’ve noticed a very slow difference… it’s wonderful, lol. The boys are active in their little league for a few more weeks, but school is out. That means they’re home all the time which means a little more insanity and a lot less sleep.
Could be worse… right?
School I can’t attend summer classes because fafsa is retarded and puts this summer on next year’s application. So I have to spend my entire summer just working. But there are a lot of things I have to think of in relation to school. There are things I have to do, and things I need to make up my mind on.
The have to’s are:
– Petition to remove the quarters I failed
– Continue to go to counseling so they don’t kick me out
– Bust my ass to get my GPA up
– Stay down here until my GPA is up.
The options are:
– Once my GPA is raised, apply to a school up north
– Stay down here until I finish my BA, then move
– Just stay until I’m completely done with school.
– Get a BA in Psychology
– Master in Applied Behavioral Science or adolescent counseling
– Give up on psych and go into English
I mean. I’d rather not give up on psych but I have to be realistic. It’s possible that I just don’t have the health to handle the workload.
Work I gotta spend my whole summer bustin’ my butt to earn some cash. I need a car and money to pay for gas and car insurance. I’m not sure if I’ll be lucky enough to have this by the end of the summer or not. It starts with an interview with Kmart in a week. Also, I’m going to try to do some babysitting on the weekends. With any luck I can at least save up enough to get a junker car so I can keep my job when I move back on campus in the fall. That segways into my living situation.
Living For the summer I’ll be with my momma. I’m banking on her being okay with staying the whole summer as long as I do my damndest to get a job and help around the house. After that I don’t think I have a choice other than to live on campus again. Which I find to be stupid and a waste of money, but I may not have another choice. That is of course if I even get enough money to live on campus. Otherwise I’ll have to accept all the money offered and beg mom or someone else to let me stay with them as long as I buy my own things.
I could also try to see if the family I used to live with would be willing to help me finance a car if I don’t have quite enough by the end of the summer. They were thinking about it before so it’s worth a shot.
All in all, this summer can either suck a lot or a little, and since it has to be one or the other I choose a little. I’m going to try to bond with my baby sister and brother the best I can, get my health on a decent track, and start making serious life-changing decisions that I’ve put off for now.
I’m going to start using this again. I should. It’s a great name and it’s easy and quick. Anyway, it still counts as my posi-blog, and my live journal will be my nega-blog. It was a good idea I shouldn’t have let go to waste.
Sadly there aren’t many positive things to blog about right now. Just that I’m glad I get to spend as much time with Bryan as possible before he leaves the area for good. And I hopefully have a job or two lined up for the summer. I’m also proud of my work in English so far, and hoping to get started on a study group for Sociology.
‘Bout sums it up. Another time.
I didn’t get much sleep last night because I was pretty sick. So naturally, when my phone rings at 11AM after only 2 hours of sleep, I was quick to hit ignore. Then a voicemail pops up, and I decide that knowing my luck, It’ll be important the one time I ignore it. That’s always the case. The last time I ignored a phone call and said ‘I’m sure it’s no one important’ it was my dad, who we all thought was missing at the time. Great job, Kiera.
So I call my voice mail number, and sure enough, for the first time in FOUR DAMN MONTHS a job calls me to schedule an interview! I call back immediately and say I’m still interested and I set up an interview for tomorrow at 2PM! I’m crossing my fingers and toes! It’s at Chik-Fil-A, so maybe not dream job of the year. However, a job’s a job, and it’s a kazillion times better than McWhatever. I’d be so much happier and less stressed if I had a job!
Also, my Aunt and Grandpa gave me $100 for my birthday, so I can pay all my phone bill and about half of my car insurance. Now all I have to worry about is beasting that interview and trying to keep any bad or depressing thoughts out of my head. Easier said than done sometimes… I mean today went well and sure enough, the second I let my guard down, I start to think about sad things. So like always, I have to put on some Jason Mraz, think positive, and distract myself. I live for the day that’s not necessary…
Here’s hoping. In every aspect of my life, here’s hoping…
“Healing comes from destroying the roots of a disturbance.” – Today’s Horoscope.
From now on, or until I tire of the idea, I’m going to use this blog as the Positive Venue for the thoughts crossing my mind. I suppose it’s a half experiment half therapy idea I came up with a few minuts ago (it’s 2AM on June 18, 2009). The idea is to have a Negative blog and a Positive blog both, to help me seperate and organize my thoughts. It is also going to help me realize how many negative versus positive thoughts and feelings I have, which has more, and which one sounds more logical when I read it later on. I’m going to re-read the positive ones when I feel negative, and the negative ones when I feel positive. Both oganizing my thoughts and studying them will be an experiement and I’m hoping, some mental therapy.
So here goes it!
POSI-BLOG Number one:
I had a pretty slow, boring, and semi-upsetting day today. After trying all day to find things to do to keep me busy, physically and mentally, I finally gave up and sat down on the computer. After Facebook-ing for a while, I started to pick at my nails out of boredom. Then I remembered I shouldn’t do that because I’m trying to grow my nails out to feel more… well, pretty. Then I grabbed my clear strengthening polish and applied another coat or two in between texting and browsing. Then I realized I had always hated my weak, brittle nails, so I should look up some ways of making them stronger and longer.
The more I read up on this, the more I felt… positive. I wrote the best tips down on paper, and I wrote them very neatly so I took my time and enjoyed what I was learning. I even found a recipe to help whiten your nails. For some reason the positive feeling this gave me made me think about all the things I wanted to do tomorrow… Finish laundry, take a shower, maybe walk one of the massive dogs my Aunt has, call job options, and go visit a friend or two. Then I calculated a time to wake up. Followed by a time to go to bed. Followed by remembering I don’t wake up fast or easy because of all my health problems and depression.
So… I began to research methods of gaining more energy, in the morning and throughout the day. I wrote these down, too, and very neatly. I notice that when I take time to make my handwriting pretty and alive I feel better about whatever I’m writing. Then I looked up specifically how to wake up better in the morning, and wrote those down in a neat little list. I plan to tear these out of my notebook and pin them to my wall so I see them every single day.
I also looked up tips on how to live with depression every day, and most of them were the same tips given on boosting energy, further proving that depression is at least half my energy issue. I mean I’m so tired, that sometimes I do NOT wake up until 6 or 7PM! It’s getting way out of hand.
So I thought I’d share my morning wake-up list, since it’s not as long as the other one.
1. Let there be light!
2. Exercise and/or stretch!
3. The 10-minute rule! NO SNOOZE!
4. Wake up your mind! Read! Draw! Design!
5. Don’t skip breakfast!
6. Same time, every day!
7. Turn up the volume! Listen to music!
I think it sounds happy and fun… difficult, maybe a pain in the ass for a few weeks haha, but worth it. I’m going to try to have it implemented by Monday, starting on some of it as soon as tomorrow morning. I’m… pretty excited :)
P.S. This is directly due to the love and support I’ve received from several people, most of which I did NOT expect to care, let alone take my side on things. Some people who I would have thought would be against me due to their affiliation with other people in my life have contacted me and told me that they do, in fact, support me and care for me and I am, despite what I might believe, a good person. Thanks… You know who you are.